Open letter to all magazine editors

I am your loyal reader, yes, the one who’s been reading your publication religiously for [insert period here]. I love nothing better than reading your magazine, whether it is offline or online. To me, a typical Sunday afternoon means reading your magazine (other magazines, too) at Exclusive Books, Vida or Melissa’s. Wif a cigar if it isn’t too windy. It entertains me, and the people around me, too: I have a bad habit of laughing very loudly at something funny so I get many stares from people. From random, ugly people; good looking men with their Gants shopping bags never look at me… Oh, and Esquire, I ❤ you.

Anyway. I still have important work to do… Like to tell you what I don’t like about your magazine.

This section applies to women’s magazines:

Stop sending me lotion and sanitary pad samples that I have to pry from the pages. Please. If you insist on sending me things, be nice and send something that doesn’t tear the pages of my beloved magazine when I rip out the sample. Because I will rip it out. I promise.

That’s all.